Most are familiar with the concept of attachments; we form strong bonds with our loved ones, family, friends, and even animals. But did you know that these attachments can be classified into distinct types? These “attachment styles” help to explain why some relationships are more successful than others. By understanding the different attachment types and how they interact, we can better understand how to foster positive relationships.
What is an Attachment?
An attachment is an emotional bond between two people or even within a group. Attachment can be secure or insecure, and it’s important to note that these connections are not necessarily based on romantic or familial love – they can also be found in spiritual, work, and even pet-owner relationships. Secure attachments are formed when two people experience a high degree of mutual trust and comfort in each other’s presence. Insecure attachments, on the other hand, are characterized by distrust, fear, or anxiety and can arise from neglect or trauma.
Understanding Attachment Styles
Attachment styles refer to how people interact with those they are attached to. The concept of attachment styles was first developed by psychologist John Bowlby in the 1950s and has been further explored since then. According to Bowlby, the quality of the bonding one experiences during their first relationship often determines how well one relates to other people and responds to intimacy throughout life.
Attachment styles can generally be divided into four main categories:
- Secure
- Anxious-preoccupied
- Dismissive-avoidant
- Fearful-avoidant (disorganized)
Before diving deeper into the attachment types and how they affect relationships, let’s look at how these attachment styles develop in children.
How do Attachment Styles Develop in Early Childhood?
The development of attachment styles in children is based on their early experiences with their primary caregivers. If the caregiver is attentive, responsive, and consistent, the child will likely develop a secure attachment style.
On the other hand, if the caregiver is unresponsive, strict, emotionally distant, or unavailable, then it’s more likely that the child will develop an insecure attachment style. These attachment styles are thought to become ingrained in early childhood and can be carried into adulthood. During adulthood, these attachment styles manifest in our relationships.
Attachment Types and How they Affect Relationships
Now that we know what attachment is and how they develop let’s look at the different attachment styles and how they can affect intimate relationships.
Secure Attachment Style
Those with a secure attachment style are generally open to forming relationships. These people tend to feel comfortable expressing feelings of love, trust, and closeness. People with a secure attachment style are better able to handle disagreements in relationships as they tend to be less anxious and more confident in working through any issues that may arise. This type of attachment is beneficial as it can create a strong foundation for healthy, long-term relationships.
How Secure Attachment Style Develops from Childhood
When someone has a secure attachment style, it is because they feel nurtured and secure in their primary caregiver’s presence. This security and trust developed in childhood can translate into becoming more secure in adult relationships.
Signs of Secure Attachment
- An openness to forming relationships -Feeling comfortable expressing love, trust, and closeness
- Ability to handle disagreements and work through issues
- Anxiety-free communication
- Confidence in one’s ability to trust and be trusted
- A relaxed approach to intimacy
- Ability to give and receive affection
- Ability to compromise and problem-solve together
- High self-esteem
- Ability to be emotionally available
- Easy to connect with
Anxious-Preoccupied Attachment Style
People with an anxious-preoccupied attachment style often experience high levels of anxiety and worry about the status of their relationships. They tend to be overly dependent on their partners and may be overly clingy or needy in times of stress. This type of attachment can be problematic as it can lead to feelings of insecurity and an excessive need for reassurance from their partner.
How Anxious-Preoccupied Attachment Style Develops
When a child has an anxious-preoccupied attachment style, it is because they experienced unpredictable or inconsistent caregiving in childhood. This can lead to a fear of abandonment and an intense need for reassurance in relationships as an adult.
Signs of Anxious-Preoccupied Attachment
- High levels of anxiety and worry about relationships
- Overly dependent on partners
- Extreme clinginess
- Insecurity and excessive need for reassurance from a partner
- Tendency to overreact to perceived slights or criticism
- The feeling of distrust in relationships
- Fear of abandonment
- An intense need to control their partner’s behavior
- Difficulty with emotional regulation
- Low self-esteem
Dismissive-Avoidant Attachment Style
Those with a dismissive-avoidant attachment style often distrust others. They also have difficulty forming close relationships due to fear of rejection or abandonment. People with this type of attachment tend to be emotionally distant.
They may avoid expressing their true feelings, even in long-term relationships. This can damage relationships as the emotionless approach often leads to feelings of resentment and frustration from their partner.
How Dismissive-Avoidant Attachment Style Develops
People with a dismissive-avoidant attachment style tend to have experienced either a rejecting or distant caregiver in childhood. This can lead to a lack of trust and difficulty forming close relationships as an adult.
Signs of Dismissive-Avoidant Attachment
- Difficulty trusting and forming close relationships
- Emotionally distant and avoidant
- Fear of being rejected or abandoned
- Difficulty expressing true feelings, even in long-term relationships
- Tendency to suppress negative emotions and overlook positive ones
- Tend to be self-reliant and independent
- Resistance to emotional intimacy
- Low self-esteem and difficulty asking for help
- Fear of commitment and vulnerability
Fearful-Avoidant Attachment Style
People with an avoidant type attachment style have difficulty trusting others and may find themselves stuck in a cycle of wanting closeness yet avoiding it due to fear. This type of attachment is often the result of past trauma or neglect. Experiencing trauma and neglect can lead to individuals feeling overwhelmed when faced with strong emotions.
People with this attachment style often put up walls to protect themselves from getting hurt. However, this can have a detrimental effect on their relationships as it prevents them from forming meaningful connections with their partner.
How Fearful-Avoidant Attachment Style Develops
Those with a fearful-avoidant attachment style often have experienced an inconsistent or neglectful caregiver in childhood. A negative caregiver relationship can lead to difficulty trusting and connecting with others and dealing with strong emotions.
Signs of Fearful-Avoidant Attachment
- Difficulty trusting and forming close relationships
- Fear of being rejected or abandoned
- Tendency to suppress negative emotions
- Difficulty expressing true feelings, even in long-term relationships
- Fear of vulnerability and commitment
- Resistance to intimacy
- Low self-esteem and difficulty asking for help
- Tendency to overreact to perceived slights or criticism
- Insecurity and excessive need for reassurance from a partner
- Avoidance of emotional closeness
Can Someone Alter Their Attachment Style?
People can alter their attachment styles. However, it requires a great deal of work and dedication. People need to understand what drives their behavior and reactions in relationships. In doing so, they learn how to manage these triggers to create healthy relationships with others.
It can be helpful to seek professional help if one struggles with attachment issues. Professional therapy can help people gain insight into the roots of attachment issues and learn how to cope with them healthily.
By understanding their attachment style and its effects on their relationships with others, people can learn how to be more open and trusting in their relationships. With time and effort, it is possible to create healthy relationships with others and foster a sense of security.
Help is Available at D’Amore Mental Health
At D’Amore Mental Health, we understand the importance of attachment styles in relationships. We provide comprehensive assessment services to help individuals understand their attachment style and learn the necessary skills needed to foster meaningful connections with others. Our team is dedicated to helping people create healthier relationships. At D’Amore Mental Health, we are here to support you every step of the way.
Contact us today to learn more about our services and how we can help you create positive relationships.
