When someone you care about is struggling with their mental health, finding the right words can feel overwhelming. You may notice changes in their behavior, mood, or daily functioning that concern you, but fear saying the wrong thing or making the situation worse. Understanding how to approach these sensitive conversations with empathy and support can make a significant difference in helping your loved one seek the help they need.
Mental health challenges affect millions of Americans, yet stigma and misunderstanding often prevent people from reaching out for support. As someone who cares, you have the opportunity to be a bridge between struggle and healing. This guide will help you navigate these important conversations with confidence and compassion.
Recognizing the Signs That Someone Needs Help
Before initiating a conversation about mental health, it helps to recognize the signs that may indicate your loved one is struggling. While everyone experiences difficult emotions from time to time, certain patterns may suggest a more serious mental health concern.
Watch for changes in their typical behavior patterns. Has someone who was once social and outgoing become withdrawn and isolated? Are they sleeping significantly more or less than usual? Changes in appetite, whether eating much more or having little interest in food, can also signal emotional distress.
Mood changes that seem extreme, persistent, or out of character deserve attention. This might include prolonged sadness, irritability, anxiety, or expressions of hopelessness. If your loved one talks about feeling worthless, expresses thoughts of self-harm or suicide, or engages in reckless behavior, these are urgent signs that professional help is needed.
Other warning signs include difficulty concentrating, declining performance at work or school, loss of interest in activities they once enjoyed, unexplained physical complaints, or increased use of alcohol or drugs. While any single sign might not indicate a mental health crisis, a combination of these changes over time suggests it’s appropriate to reach out with concern and support.
Preparing for the Conversation
Taking time to prepare before talking to your loved one about mental health concerns can help the conversation go more smoothly and productively.
Choose the Right Time and Place
Timing matters significantly in these sensitive discussions. Avoid bringing up mental health concerns during an argument, when either of you is rushed, or in front of others. Instead, choose a private, comfortable setting where you won’t be interrupted. Let your loved one know you’d like to talk about something important and ask when would be a good time for them.
Educate Yourself First
Before the conversation, take time to learn about mental health conditions and treatment options. Understanding the difference between depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, and other conditions can help you respond appropriately to what your loved one shares. However, avoid trying to diagnose them yourself—that’s a job for mental health professionals.
Resources from organizations like the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) and the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) provide evidence-based information about various mental health conditions.
Examine Your Own Feelings
It’s normal to feel anxious, scared, or uncertain about having this conversation. Acknowledge your own emotions and consider what might be driving them. Are you worried about their reaction? Uncertain about how to help? Recognizing your feelings beforehand can help you stay centered during the discussion.
Plan What You’ll Say
While you don’t want the conversation to feel scripted, having a general idea of what you want to communicate can help. Focus on specific observations rather than judgments, and prepare to listen more than you speak. Think about phrases like “I’ve noticed that…” or “I’m concerned because…” rather than “You always…” or “You’re being…”
Starting the Conversation with Empathy
How you begin the conversation sets the tone for everything that follows. Approaching your loved one with genuine care and without judgment creates a safe space for them to open up.
Express Your Concern Without Judgment
Start by letting them know you care about them and have noticed some changes that worry you. Use “I” statements that focus on your observations and feelings rather than accusations or assumptions. For example:
- “I’ve noticed you haven’t been yourself lately, and I’m concerned about you.”
- “I care about you, and I’ve been worried because you seem really stressed.”
- “I wanted to check in with you because I’ve noticed some changes that have me concerned.”
Share Specific Observations
Rather than making general statements, mention specific behaviors or situations you’ve observed. This helps your loved one understand what prompted your concern and makes the conversation feel less like an attack:
- “I noticed you didn’t come to the last few family gatherings, and that’s unusual for you.”
- “You mentioned having trouble sleeping for the past few weeks.”
- “I’ve seen you seem really down lately, even when good things are happening.”
Listen Actively and Without Interruption
Once you’ve expressed your concern, give your loved one space to respond. Active listening means fully focusing on what they’re saying without planning your response or jumping in with solutions. Maintain eye contact, nod to show you’re engaged, and avoid interrupting even if there are pauses in their speech.
Validate Their Feelings
Whatever your loved one shares, validate their experience without minimizing or dismissing their feelings. Even if you don’t fully understand what they’re going through, you can acknowledge that their feelings are real and important:
- “That sounds really difficult.”
- “I can see how much this has been affecting you.”
- “Thank you for trusting me with this.”
Avoid phrases like “It could be worse,” “Just think positive,” or “Other people have it harder”—these responses, while often well-intentioned, can make someone feel dismissed and less likely to continue opening up.
What to Say (and What Not to Say)
The words you choose during these conversations can significantly impact how your loved one receives your message and whether they feel supported or judged.
Helpful Phrases to Use
Certain phrases communicate support and understanding while keeping the focus on the person’s wellbeing:
- “I’m here for you, and I want to help.”
- “What can I do to support you right now?”
- “It’s okay to not be okay. Many people struggle with these feelings.”
- “Would you be open to talking to someone who specializes in helping with these feelings?”
- “Your mental health matters just as much as your physical health.”
- “I’m proud of you for being honest about what you’re going through.”
Phrases to Avoid
Even with the best intentions, certain phrases can shut down communication or make your loved one feel worse:
- “Just snap out of it” or “Pull yourself together”—These suggest mental health is simply about willpower
- “It’s all in your head”—This dismisses the very real nature of mental health conditions
- “Everyone feels that way sometimes”—This minimizes their unique struggle
- “You don’t seem depressed/anxious”—Mental illness doesn’t always look how we expect
- “Have you tried yoga/vitamins/exercise?”—While wellness activities can help, they’re not substitutes for professional treatment
- “I know exactly how you feel”—Even if you’ve had similar experiences, everyone’s journey is unique
Encouraging Professional Help
While your support is valuable, professional mental health treatment provides specialized care that friends and family cannot offer. Encouraging your loved one to seek help is one of the most important things you can do.
Present Treatment as a Positive Step
Frame professional help as a strength rather than a weakness. Emphasize that seeking treatment is a proactive step toward feeling better, much like seeing a doctor for a physical ailment. You might say:
- “Talking to a therapist could give you tools and strategies that might help.”
- “Mental health professionals are trained to help with exactly what you’re experiencing.”
- “Getting support doesn’t mean you’re weak—it means you’re taking care of yourself.”
Offer to Help with Practical Steps
The process of finding and accessing mental health care can feel overwhelming when someone is already struggling. Offering concrete assistance can remove barriers:
- Help them research treatment options or look for providers
- Offer to make phone calls to verify insurance coverage
- Provide transportation to appointments
- Sit with them while they make the first call to schedule an appointment
D’Amore Mental Health offers comprehensive mental health treatment in Orange County, California, with specialized programs including residential treatment, partial hospitalization programs (PHP), and intensive outpatient programs (IOP). Our compassionate team works with major insurance providers to ensure treatment is accessible.
Respect Their Timeline
While you may feel urgency about getting your loved one help, pushing too hard can backfire. If they’re not ready to seek treatment immediately, let them know you’ll continue to support them and will be there when they are ready. Sometimes planting the seed of the idea is enough, and they may come back to the conversation later.
Know When It’s an Emergency
If your loved one expresses thoughts of suicide, has a plan to harm themselves, or is in immediate danger, this is a mental health emergency that requires immediate intervention. In these situations:
- Don’t leave them alone
- Call 988 (Suicide and Crisis Lifeline) or 911
- Take them to the nearest emergency room
- Remove any means of self-harm from their environment
Learn more about warning signs of suicide and suicide awareness and prevention.
Providing Ongoing Support
Having one conversation about mental health isn’t a one-time fix—supporting someone with mental health challenges is an ongoing process that requires patience and consistency.
Check In Regularly
After your initial conversation, continue to check in with your loved one. Brief, regular contact shows you haven’t forgotten about them and that your support is lasting, not just a one-time gesture. Simple messages like “Thinking of you today” or “How are you doing this week?” can mean a lot.
Respect Their Privacy
While staying connected is important, respect your loved one’s boundaries about what they want to share and with whom. Don’t gossip about their mental health struggles with others, even out of concern. If they’ve shared something in confidence, honor that trust unless there’s an imminent safety concern.
Educate Yourself About Their Condition
If your loved one receives a diagnosis or starts treatment, take time to learn about their specific condition. Understanding depression, anxiety, PTSD, borderline personality disorder, or other mental health conditions can help you provide more informed support and have realistic expectations about recovery.
You might find these resources helpful: Understanding Trauma and Trauma Responses, What Are The Symptoms of BPD?, and Understanding Avoidant Personality Disorder.
The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) and Mental Health America offer comprehensive educational resources about various mental health conditions.
Encourage Healthy Habits
While not substitutes for professional treatment, certain lifestyle factors can support mental health. Gently encourage activities like regular sleep schedules, nutritious meals, physical activity, and social connection. Offer to do these activities together—going for a walk, cooking a healthy meal, or attending a community event can be less daunting with company.
Learn more about balancing self-care with life’s obligations and self-care and mental health.
Be Patient with the Recovery Process
Mental health recovery isn’t linear. Your loved one may have good days and difficult days, progress and setbacks. Treatment for mental health conditions often takes time to show results. Continue offering support even when progress seems slow, and celebrate small victories along the way.
Read more about the role of community in mental illness recovery and building resilience through mental health challenges.
Taking Care of Yourself
Supporting someone with mental health challenges can be emotionally and physically draining. You cannot pour from an empty cup, so taking care of your own wellbeing is essential—not selfish.
Set Healthy Boundaries
Boundaries protect both you and your loved one. Decide what you’re able to offer in terms of time, emotional energy, and practical support, and communicate these limits clearly and kindly. You can care deeply about someone while still maintaining boundaries that protect your own mental health.
Seek Your Own Support
Consider joining a support group for friends and family of people with mental health conditions. These groups provide a space to share experiences, learn coping strategies, and connect with others who understand what you’re going through. Organizations like the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) offer family support programs.
D’Amore Mental Health also offers a Family Program designed to support loved ones through the treatment process.
Watch for Signs of Caregiver Burnout
Pay attention to your own mental and physical health. Signs that you may be experiencing caregiver stress include chronic fatigue, changes in sleep or appetite, increased irritability, social withdrawal, or feelings of hopelessness. If you notice these signs, it’s important to seek support for yourself.
Learn more about signs of burnout and how to get help and signs of mental and emotional exhaustion.
Remember You’re Not Responsible for Fixing Them
You can offer support, encouragement, and resources, but you cannot fix your loved one’s mental health challenges. Their recovery is ultimately their journey, with professional help as their guide. Accepting this reality can relieve some of the pressure you may be putting on yourself.
If you need guidance, read our article on helping or enabling and supporting a loved one who won’t seek mental health treatment.
Special Considerations for Different Relationships
The dynamics of talking about mental health vary depending on your relationship with the person struggling.
Talking to a Partner or Spouse
When your romantic partner is struggling with mental health issues, it affects your entire relationship. Be honest about how their mental health challenges impact you while emphasizing your commitment to supporting them. Couples therapy, in addition to individual treatment, can help you navigate mental health challenges together and strengthen your relationship.
Understanding how anxiety affects relationships and attachment styles and how they affect relationships can provide valuable insights.
Talking to a Parent
Approaching a parent about mental health concerns can feel like a role reversal. You might worry about seeming disrespectful or overstepping boundaries. Frame the conversation around your concern for their wellbeing and emphasize that seeking help is a sign of wisdom and self-care, not weakness. Adult children often notice changes in aging parents’ mental health that may signal conditions like depression or early dementia.
Talking to a Child or Teen
If you’re concerned about a young person’s mental health, approach the conversation with age-appropriate language and reassurance. Let them know that many young people struggle with mental health challenges and that seeking help is a normal, healthy response. Emphasize that you’re there to support them, not to judge or punish them.
Mental health issues can be particularly challenging during back to school periods or during major life transitions. Pay attention to changes in school performance, social relationships, or behavior that might indicate your child is struggling.
Additional resources include recognizing the signs of anxiety in young adults, teenage suicide, and mental health issues in LGBTQ youth.
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) provides evidence-based information about youth mental health.
Talking to a Friend
As a friend, you may feel less certain about your “right” to intervene, especially if you’re not extremely close. However, friends often notice changes that family members might miss or minimize. Approach your friend with genuine concern, and if they’re not receptive initially, let them know you’re available whenever they need to talk.
If a friend is in crisis, read when a friend attempts suicide for guidance on how to respond.
Talking to a Colleague
Workplace mental health conversations require additional sensitivity due to professional boundaries. If you’re concerned about a colleague, focus on work-related observations rather than personal judgments. If you’re a supervisor, familiarize yourself with your company’s employee assistance program (EAP) and mental health resources.
Learn more about mental health at work, anxiety and depression in the workplace post-COVID-19, and job stress and incivility.
Understanding Treatment Options
When your loved one is ready to seek help, understanding the different levels of mental health care can help you both make informed decisions about treatment.
Outpatient Therapy
Traditional outpatient therapy typically involves weekly sessions with a licensed therapist. This works well for individuals with mild to moderate symptoms who have a stable living environment and support system. Therapeutic approaches like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) have strong evidence supporting their effectiveness for various mental health conditions.
Learn more about the difference between CBT and DBT and specialized approaches like EMDR therapy.
Intensive Outpatient Programs (IOP)
Intensive Outpatient Programs provide more structured treatment while allowing individuals to maintain work, school, or family responsibilities. Typically meeting several times per week for several hours per day, IOPs offer a combination of individual therapy, group sessions, and skills training. This level of care works well for individuals stepping down from more intensive treatment or those who need more support than weekly therapy provides.
Partial Hospitalization Programs (PHP)
Partial Hospitalization Programs offer intensive daily treatment—typically five days a week for several hours each day—while allowing individuals to return home in the evenings. PHPs are appropriate for people experiencing significant symptoms that require close monitoring and intensive intervention, but who are stable enough to not need 24-hour care.
To understand the differences, read our article on PHP vs. IOP: Understanding Mental Health Treatment Options and the difference between inpatient and outpatient mental health treatment.
Residential Treatment
Residential mental health treatment provides 24-hour care in a structured, therapeutic environment. This level of care is appropriate for individuals experiencing severe symptoms, safety concerns, or those who have not improved with less intensive treatment. D’Amore Mental Health specializes in residential treatment for a range of mental health conditions including depression, anxiety disorders, bipolar disorder, PTSD and trauma, personality disorders, and schizophrenia.
Our facility features exceptional staff-to-patient ratios, providing individualized attention and comprehensive care. We utilize evidence-based treatments combined with holistic approaches including equine therapy, yoga therapy, music therapy, and mindfulness practices. Our proprietary programs—Build Me Up Program® and Gracious Redundancy®—provide unique therapeutic frameworks that foster healing and long-term recovery.
Learn more about what makes us different at the D’Amore Difference.
Crisis Stabilization
When someone is experiencing an acute mental health crisis, short-term crisis stabilization provides immediate support to ensure safety and begin the process of stabilization before transitioning to longer-term treatment.
Medication Management
Many mental health conditions respond well to psychiatric medication in combination with therapy. If your loved one is prescribed medication, encourage them to take it as directed and communicate openly with their prescriber about side effects or concerns. Medication management involves regular monitoring and adjustments to ensure optimal treatment effectiveness.
Learn more about types of depression medication and when antidepressants stop working.
The American Psychiatric Association and American Psychological Association provide authoritative information about evidence-based treatments for mental health conditions.
Specialized Treatment
Some conditions benefit from specialized treatment approaches. For example, Exposure Response Prevention (ERP) is highly effective for OCD treatment, while trauma-focused therapies are essential for PTSD treatment.
D’Amore also offers specialized programs for dual diagnosis (co-occurring mental health and substance use disorders), postpartum depression, complicated grief, and social anxiety.
Understanding that different conditions require different approaches can help you support your loved one in finding appropriate, specialized care.
Moving Forward Together
Talking to a loved one about mental health issues is an act of courage and compassion. While these conversations can feel uncomfortable or scary, they’re often the first step toward healing and recovery. Your willingness to reach out could make the difference between someone continuing to suffer in silence and getting the help they need.
Remember that recovery is possible. With professional treatment, support from loved ones, and time, people with mental health conditions can and do get better. Your role in this process—offering understanding, encouragement, and practical support—is invaluable.
Breaking down the stigma of mental illness starts with conversations like these, and understanding barriers to mental health treatment can help you address obstacles your loved one may face.
If you or someone you love is struggling with mental health challenges, D’Amore Mental Health is here to help. Our compassionate, experienced team provides comprehensive treatment tailored to each individual’s unique needs. We work with major insurance providers including Kaiser Permanente, Anthem Blue Cross, Cigna, Optum, Aetna, and HealthNet to ensure treatment is accessible.
Don’t wait to reach out. Contact D’Amore Mental Health today at (714) 942-0856 or verify your insurance coverage online. Taking that first step toward help is often the hardest part—let us make everything that follows as supportive and effective as possible. Mental health treatment works, recovery is possible, and you don’t have to navigate this journey alone.
Read more about how to admit yourself to a mental hospital and understanding voluntary psychiatric holds for additional information about accessing care.
If you or someone you know is in crisis or considering suicide, help is available 24/7:
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 988
- Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741
- Emergency Services: 911
Additional Resources:
